apparently the secret to your success is patron
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
