I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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