he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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