She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I wear drunk well.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
