Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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