I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
