I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
