Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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