I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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