how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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