She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
