Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
