Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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