So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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