I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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