I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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