He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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