Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
