I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
