guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
