Just cropdusted the office
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
