Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
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I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
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You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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