went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We are all done wearing pants today
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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