I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
