I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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