his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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