allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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