What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
