508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
