Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
