God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
