I puked a lego.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
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