I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
