He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
