It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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