Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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