please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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