Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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