Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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