On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
