even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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