We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
