I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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