This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
