what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
