I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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