at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
