I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
