Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
