South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
