she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
