you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's shark week go big or go home
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
