just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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