I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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