he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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