Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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