She said her name was "party"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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