She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
