We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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