I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
