Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
