I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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