Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
