I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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