Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
NoShamevember. You game?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
