meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
