dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I think I just sharted jello shots
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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