in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Fuck appropriateness.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
