I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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