i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize