No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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