guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
