Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
