Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
This is my gift to your gina
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
