meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
