you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
