Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
