how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
