A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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